(First published in 2000)
Chris Weinkopf had an excellent article in the Los Angeles Daily News about Jesus being a vegetarian and therefore a good role model for everyone except school kids who might be corrupted by His religious leanings. Okay, so Jesus, the role model vegetarian has now become the new Poster child for P.E.T.A. (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals.)
A while back, in all the Jesus-kitsch outlets, they were selling little pins and bracelets with the initials WWJD on them: "What would Jesus do?" Supposedly this was to help the wearer ask himself what would Jesus do in any given situation, though I got the impression it was mostly a fashion statement for the evangelical crowd.
The crucial, more important question, according to Ingrid Newkirk, exalted, self-appointed spokescritter for PETA is this: Where would Jesus dine? And now, my answer and explanation of Why I am a Proud Member of PETA (Presbyterians for the Edible Treatment of Animals): In My Humble Opinion, Jesus would be having a pita (excuse the unfortunate pun) stuffed with lamb and feta cheese and incurring the wrath of PETA (Pharisees for the Execution of The Apostate).
As a member of Presbyterians for the Edible Treatment of Animals I whole-heartedly support the eating of only FUR-FREE animals. I want to stress the fact that I have NEVER EATEN FUR, and I don’t have any plans to start eating it in the future, so please don’t ambush me with a bottle of catsup.
Too bad Ingrid Newkirk (Scots for New Church, oddly enough) didn’t spend more time in Sunday school, she would have learnt the New Testament more thoroughly, except if she was a Unitarian, and then that would explain everything.
Chris Weinkopf brilliantly points out from the scriptures that Jesus could not have been nor would he have advocated vegetarianism, listing various events that showed Jesus eating meat, even after PETA and the Romans crucified Him. (Talk about CHUTZPAH!) The only item Mr. Weinkopf left out of his well-documented piece is this somber and ominous warning about the end times that comes from I Timothy 4:1-3 and II Timothy chapter 3. I am not going to quote scriptures here. Get busy and look it up yourselves.
I can now understand how Ingrid NewChurch got her degree from Divinity School. In case you have forgotten, divinity is a nut-filled, sickeningly sweet white fudge you only eat at Christmastime.
Here is this white, rage-filled nut trying to appeal to us by fudging the facts about the baby Jesus, and that makes me sick. People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals is nothing but an organization for veggie-terrorist nags who have nothing better to do than force-feed me soy-on-a bun, and then offer me seconds. I am going to celebrate my Presbyterianness by having Chinese….and by the way Ingrid, Presbyterians don’t have sacred cows, it’s against our religion. Gag on that awhile, why don’t ya.