Monday, August 6, 2007

Five Fatwas for the Best Play of 2007!



Quick, before the PC police take it down, watch the following tidbit of naughty infidel theater....
And please, when you see most of the names involved with this deliciously blasphemous production, note how Jewish many of them sound! This could be genuinely called a Zionist Conspiracy!

I took the liberty of writing down the lyrics for you. Just you go ahead and TRY getting these catchy kitschy little songs out of your head!

Make sure you have emptied your bladders before listening to TURNED AND RAN!

I Wanna Be Like Osama!

I wanna be like Osama
I wanna bomb a path to fame across the earth!
I know people may abhor me, but by God they won’t ignore me
When the CIA determines what I’m worth.
I will delegate the killing to the malleable and willing
But be sure to have top billing when the news gets around,
Please make me like Osama B.
I’ll be Islamically renowned!

I wanna be like Osama
I want aplomb, allure and flair that can convince!
If I hadn’t been so rowdy, they’d have let me stay in Saudi,
But I couldn’t play the big leagues as a prince.
So I film eloquent reminders that the Yanks have yet to find us,
Though we’re happy to attack them on home ground!
Please make me like Osama B.
I’ll be Islamically renowned!

And they will speak of me throughout history,
Oh, what bliss to be al Mansour!
I’ll enact my plan, be the bogeyman!
With a brand new holy war!

I wanna be like Osama
I wanna wear designer clothes beneath a robe!
While my lackeys loom like vultures, I’ll declare a clash of cultures,
Kill civilians by the millions round the globe!
Grow a beard down to my navel, conquer YouTube, get on cable,
And be wealthier than any man I know!
Please make me like Osama B.
With an al Jazeera Show!

Who could ask for more, to be six-foot-four,
Oh, the name Mansour will be known!
And I won’t be missed on the wanted list,
With a jihad of my own! Yes a jihad of my own!

I wanna be like Osama
I want celebrity and riches that astound!
Please make me like Osama B
I’ll be Islamically renowned! I’ll be Islamically renowned!



Turned and Ran

Sacre bleu! Zut alors! I was all for ‘oly War!
But I ‘ad no fire to quench!
My brothers in arms tried to squash my qualms.
But I’m afraid that I’m too French!

So as zay marched to fight ze enemy!
From under ze bed I ‘eard ze charge!
I ‘ad been ‘iding zair all afternoon,
Wis a beret and some fromage!

So zen I teep-toed to ze l’aéroport!
And got on a non-stop flight to Cannes!
While lesser men would fight, I made sure zat I’m all right,
Being French, I turned and ran!

Turned and ran, turned and ran!
Better living as a mouse than die a man!
Sroughout l’histoire, it’s la France’s oldest plan.
Turned and ran, turned and ran, turned and ran!

I didn’t want to fight at all, for fears that I would be blown apart.
I could be a splendid look-out pussier,
But not such a brilliant Bonaparte!
So every day was like an Agincourt.
I fled every time a fight began!
Instead of French terroriste, I would razzer be French kissed,
In ze end, I turned and ran!

Turned and ran, sans regret.
Better lose my dignité zan lose my tête!
I don’t like to burn, I’d razzer turn,
Turned and ran, turned and ran, turned and ran!

So now architecture’s very chic now I’m at ze université!
I only work three days a week
From mid-October to the first of May.
Turned and ran, pas all zat!
No body bags for me, I’ll have baguette!
Will I stand one day, mais no! Jamais!
It simply wouldn’t fit God’s plan!
I turned and ran, turned and ran, turned and ran!

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