Wednesday, September 5, 2007

The mail is here! Who wants to go get the mail for Momma? Who's my BEST girl?

From Chikapappi.com

Aww, who DOESN'T like babies? I do. Everybody does! Well, time for our mail bag, and it's all about CUTE WIDDO BABIES! Here are our letters, from hither and yon (not to be confused with Michael Yon, warblogger extraordinaire): First, from Mr. Micheal Davies, who wrote me not long ago. and whom I made quite happy...it's always nice to make people feel so, you know, validated.

Micheal Davies <daviesdaviesmichea08@yahoo.co.uk> wrote:

Dear M******,

I Thank you for your prompt response to my proposal to you, which came as a great relief as I am desperately in need of a foreign partner who does not have any kind of relationship with me.I am sorry for responding late, I had an attack and went into coma and I just regained consciousness today. I got your email from the Internet, in my search for a complete stranger whom I will entrust with my will, after due consultation with my terrestrial guidance, and your names endeared me to you. You certainly don't need to own a company to execute my project.

I have lived a very rough life. As the only son of my late parents who were very rich in Gold mining business, which is my family business, I inherited a gold factory from my father and I have also done this business to its fullest, and as the business I so much cherished, I became very successful and success got into my head and i got carried away. As a result of my wreck less passed, I lost my focus, I divorced my wife and she sued for alimony because we were legally married, and the court ruling was in her favour and as alimony, I paid her off with all the running capital we had in our safe, with the hope that I will gradually pick up again, but the peace that had eluded me was greater than I imagined as I was continually being plagued by one problem or the other until I was struck with cancer which is gradually eating away my life.

In the heat of all these controversies, I repented and gave my life to God, as He alone can give me rest, I repented because I discovered life was vanity and the acquisition of materialism is also vanity because in the midst of abundance, here I am sick from an ailment my money couldn't cure and while I am gradually dying away in the confines of a medical home, my relatives are squandering my wealth, in a life style that will do them no good, in a life style that does not glorify God. My relatives had actually concluded arrangement to sell off my estate when my attention was drawn to this crime, I had to sell the estate and put the proceeds from the sales totally 15.5million in a secured vault with a security firm, with the hope that when I get well, I will reorganise my business but my doctor has told me that I have few months to live due to the destruct ions the cancer has done to my oesophagus. I am now a permanent resident of the hospital. blahblah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
blahblah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blahblah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blahblah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah * YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWN*
blahblah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
blahblah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah


God bless you!

And from my other penpal:

Dear friend

I am very happy to inform you about my success in getting that fund Now,
I want you to contact my secretary on the information below
NAME; Mr.Alex Kamara
Office telephone : +229 93 48 93 66
EMAIL: alex_kamara_1111@yahoo.fr

ask him to send you the total sum of (USD1.5m) in a bank draft, which I
kept for your compensation. CONTACT HIM ON this email; alex_kamara_1111@yahoo.fr
Regards,
Barr.Mike.


And here is my response to both of them:

Thank YOU, dear Friends and Investors! We are pleased to do business with you... I am sure you will find our stock very much to your liking: We have some fine children, ready for your dispensational needs. Take a look at some of these beauts. Delicate little things. They can crawl right inside a cool oven and scrub it down without even wetting themselves! How many times have you tried to get all those dirty bits out of your oven, thinking, "if only I had a small, pliable infant! The job would be a piece of cake!" And let me tell ya something else, guys....The lye only TENDERIZES them. Yeah, that's right. DUAL USE BABIES. Once you've had them clean your oven, you can bake those succulent little tykes in that very same, sanitized oven, knowing that the fork tender little so and so is both CLEAN AND DELICIOUS!! Not many companies will back that claim up, now will they? Oh no, my good man, No indeed!
I think, good sir, that once you've tried our Multi-use children, you will WANT to sell that cow and invest in some really fine beans. We're talking Golden Goose, Golden Ovaries, Golden Eggs, Singing Harp and the whole nine yards. The pair of children you saw in our link will only set you back 10 000 $US, cashiers check or wire transfer. We will leave that up to you.
M******

I feel warm in all the blackened nether regions of my heart, knowing that I have made someone special very happy!

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