Sunday, August 31, 2008

Tasty Infidel David Cook Meets Evil Twin #2

This should never happen to any guy. Ever. I only hope Mr. Cook doesn't have recurring nightmares from his encounter with Evil Twin Daughter #2. Of course, she had no idea that it was HIS elbow she was licking, (oh hell, how do I explain this?)

*Note the reaction of the beautiful lady in the upper left hand corner of the photo.

ET# 2 is an actress at the Kansas City Renaissance Faire, where she is playing The Hag. She's the one in the lower right hand corner with the dreadful locks and rotten teeth.
Julia's job as fulsome wench is to be as disgusting as possible without violating any state or federal laws.

So, as she told me, not even knowing who he was, she idled up to the unsuspecting Mr. Idol and LICKED his elbow. And when, in utter shock he turned around, speechless, seeing the Vile Thang what licked him, she explained, cackling, "I needed some man essence to pollinate with."
And then he bust out laughing, himself! It was only later that some one told her who he was.

Just you try and find a reason to say that to a complete stranger. Only at a renfaire.

Here's another perfectly useful Hag Line, should your conversation need some air: " 'Ey luv, 'Ow'd yer like to test drive a Slattern? I 'ave lots uv leg room, and there's even a plice to putcher fammerly jewels!"

...not that she actually looks like the hideous apparition in the photo.

You see? She is quite attractive. So much so, in fact, that when she went to her Iraqi-American girl friend's house to hang out, her mom was on the webcam with her younger brother, an interpreter for the US Army in Iraq. Immediately seeing Julia with his niece, he declared his undying love for her and announced that he would be marrying her, and that she had no say in the matter. Well, Julia laughed it off as a rather silly joke, but girl friend's mother explained, that when a Muslim man becomes fixated on a girl, it's all over for her...unless the brothers of said girl get wind of it, and then it's probably over for the both of them. It was actually a mini crisis, and I explained to the family that Julia was not going to be marrying a Muslim, sorry, but she's a Christian, and the answer is no.

Since he was in Iraq, and I believe this is what saved her from a desperate fate, he had no way of contacting her, and his sister quite emphatically persuaded him to find a nice Iraqi girl to settle down with. (Oddly enough, whenever her own daughter acts up, mom threatens to send her to Iraq to be his wife, and she immediately straightens up.)

Oh well, happy ending for him, he married his nice Iraqi girl...actually a young woman in her 20s. Having said that, I will be happy when he has all four wife slots filled with other nice Iraqi girls, so that my daughter will be completely out of the running. Whew!

Now then, while David Cook sang the song well, no one sings it better than Roberta Flack, and if you'll ignore the initial blip in this video, you will have to agree. No one sings it better.


  1. This has got to be one of the funniest blogs yet lol. I even read it to my bf who sits on his puter behind me here.

    I love how the Iraqi keeps her daughter in line. Maybe you should use that on your wayward one muaahahhaaaaaa .

    Especially since you now have a connection :)

  2. I love my Iraqi neighbors. They are a constant source of joy and surprise. When the Missus had her fourth baby, I decided to bring over something for her to eat. I made falafel, taboule, and bought a small baklava. six pieces, for mom dad and the kids...with one extra for mom. What does she do? Well, ALL the extra family come over, eats it all up, says the falalel was great, but the taboule didn't have enough parsley,, yadayadayada. Well, I was at first upset, since I didn't bring enough food! But then from out of everywhere FOOD! There was tons of food. It is easy to see how Jesus could have fed thousands with but a few fish and loaves! Poor mom, I don't think she got nearly enough sleep those first few days, and Yusuf look red as a strawberry. He has since browned up nicely, and is about 2 years old. I will say this about them, they are one good looking family. The eldest daughter looks like a dead ringer for Alyssa Milano. Yes, I love these folk dearly. Once, one of the uncles offered to get me a giant television for 600 bucks with dish receiver...and no monthly bills! I just couldn't ask any questions about where I got it is all.....heh. Thankfully, I love television only enough to watch it on a regular sized screen. Contentment has its rewards.


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