Sarah Palin is weighing heavily on my mind, today. This is not going to be a fun post. Neither is it going to be a gung ho, go get 'em post. It is going to be an empathic post. Empathy is a quality lacking in our culture, while self-pity and victim-aggrandizement of the priviledged oppressed favored are the norm. My inner spritual ear is all agley.
So I can really identify with the woman, where one of my own children is concerned. Not the publicity, since the only publicity I get is that which I generate myself. No. That doesn't bother me. My troubled child has a MySpace site, which is the Blasphemous Shrine to that Unholy Trinity of Me Myself and I and all others be, like totally damned, LOL!...and thus, she is as much a part of the voyeuristic culture as the rest of the world. It is impossible to have secrets in this day and age.
Trying to love a child who refuses all counsel, who is determined to destroy herself and many others in her wake is a tough, tough thing. I can see her mother's knees going weak, when Bristol told her that she was pregnant. The father's jaw tightening, and knuckles turning white. I can really identify with every emotion her mother and father must have gone through when the words, "I'm pregnant, mom." dropped out of her face.
So far, we have had two false alarms when the pregnancy news bomb was tossed into our laps. But the girl didn't think she was preggers, she was lying to people, telling them she was. She told them she miscarried the first time, and secondly, that she'd had an abortion. This is more unnerving than it would be if she had to deal with an unplanned pregnancy.
So it was not really a relief to know that she wasn't really pregnant, because this, to us, showed a deeper spiritual problem. This beautiful daughter of mine, now an adult, I worry, may be a psychopath. Oh yes, the disease itself has changed its name several times, from 'moral idiocy' to 'psychopathic' to 'sociopathic' to the now fashionable 'bi polar' or 'antisocial behavior'. Whatever. It is the plague of our generation. It is the spirit of the age, fed by a century's worth nihilism.
Simply put, the girl has no conscience. Here are her qualities. every. single. one of them.
Dr. Robert Hare's Symptoms of Psychopaths
© 1993 by Robert D. Hare, PhD. Reprinted by permission of The Guilford Press.
She had managed to hide her true face from teachers, until last year, when she careened out of control. After she was in juvenile detention for a month, we began to see the first sign: Glibness. Charm. Smoothly assuaging everyone's fears that she would behave from now on. Lies. Lies. All lies.
And now, we have come to the conclusion that we can no longer control her. We can no longer cover for her or intervene on her behalf. She is now an adult and it is time to let her sail free. I am not hopeful, but I am prayerful. My belief is that she will not do well. Simply, she has not acquired the skills necessary to survive. I am hoping those skills she will discover, and work toward developing, but one of my fears is this: She is bright, beautiful and stoopid. Gullible and deceitful all at once. She is both a predator and easy prey. I simply don't know what the future will hold for her.
Any parent who reads this, whose heart is broken by the child you have lovingly raised, given every tool in life to succeed, only to sit by helpless, while she wallows in filth, ignorance and depravity, can understand where I am. If anything, I can understand where Sarah Palin may be, too. I truly hope Bristol and Levi and their families can work through the public madness swirling around them. They would be like any other young couple faced with a difficult future as young parents, were it not for the Hurricane of politics and the cannibals of the press eager to feed.