Of late, I haven’t had much to say, and the idea of posting snark and recipes and what I have eaten for dinner seemed boring and redundant, so I laid off the blogging for awhile.
Something has been eating at me, and it strikes me not just in its randomness, but also its connectedness. Maybe a foreboding of things to come in the next year, and a culmination of fears not yet realized.
Don’t get me wrong, I'm no Glenn Beck, but things have been happening around me, and being just barely observant enough to notice, I thought it best to just write something down before I forget and resume a bored state of mind.
We never met him, but the pebble of a boy’s life suddenly gone radiated its grief beyond the splash point of his existence into ours, and we wept with her over his death. It was easy to do, since we can imagine his parents’ grief, and how easily could that grief be our own, too.
He died, after spending two days in a coma, having killed a 48 year old woman instantly, and injuring another man. I’m certain that he didn’t wake up one morning and say to himself, “I am going to get into my parent’s car, drive really fast, pass others in a no passing zone and cause a head-on collision, today.” No, like all the rest of us in a post-Christian world, he thought, “ I am young, and invincible, and I won’t die. Get out of my way, I‘m late!” He wasn’t prepared at all for the reality beyond his present existence. Neither were his parents. Neither am I, though I think about it continually.
Which makes me think of heaven and hell. While people hope all the villains of time, like Hitler, John Wayne Gacy, Timothy McVeigh and all the 9/11 hijackers are there feasting on their Just Desserts, I wonder if the young man who caused death and injury to himself and others, and brought endless pain and grief and suffering to the survivors is in heaven or hell. Cruel of me to ask, I know, but no one wants to give it a second thought, for it is a taboo of the New Christianity, a perverse and all-pervasive doctrine of instant gratification (blessings) in the here and now, which has been transfixed to the hereafter, as well. Toleration of everyone and all ideas is the new creed Everyone simply assumes that he is in heaven, embraced by God and hearing the words, “Well done, Thou good and faithful servant.” I have my doubts.
As I sit on the edge of this year, 2008 Anno Domini, I feel great heaviness. No serenity now, just a dark, calm sense of waiting for the pendulum, heavy laden with sins and consequences, to come swinging back at high velocity, and the knowledge that nothing I nor anyone else can do, will change the course of that swinging weight. There is no getting out of the way of it.