Thursday, February 19, 2009

This is just sillious

Item the First: news: Best take on the Buffalo Beheading:

Not even FOX will cover this story the way The Nose on Your Face will. Good job, guys.

But, Hélas! Poor, poor Mr. Metamucil is actually the victim in all the atrocitiness of the happening. Let us pity the fool. Or not. He's going to plead not guilty. Let me guess...he is suffering from some form of 'mental illness' that Islam has absolutely NOTHING whatsoever to do with, right? Yeah, I thought so. It always seems to be the case

Ahhh, so many, many things to rant about.

Verily, verily, I say unto you all, we are swirling in the bottom of the bowl.

Item number Two:

Being famouslike for the sake of Being famous OR The Creepy Leading the Creep

He ain't heavy petting...he's her brother....blick.

Angelina Jolie is 'creeped out' by her ultimate fan
. You know, the one whose imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

The proper response to that is this: Shudder, gag, vomit, evacuate the bowels, flush bowl, wash face, hands, and vigorously brush the teeth....then weep. On the floor. In a fetal position.

Item number three: Via American Digest, via Exurban League. Heh. What do you suppose they had for dinner?

Item number four: My 30th year class reunion, which is next year, and so I say hello to all of my classmates from the class of 1980. If you don't remember me, here are some reminders:

I occasionally attended school.

I received an honorary high school diploma in 1980 from East Valley High School, Yakima Washington, where I graduated with Pity (Summa cum Badly) GPA: 1.28

I am the 1980 recipient of the Omar Watson Award for Drawing Well, In Spite of Our Best Efforts.

I was the Worst-Dressed Student for 1978, 1979, AND 1980. My fashion consisted largely of flannel shirts over a T-shirt and jeans. Every single day. Wearing waffle stompers. Into my mid twenties.

I passed out walking from the football field to the girls' locker room due to overexertion.

I played the flute and bari saxophone in band. (Allow me to digress for a moment to make a confession: I once bumped into Mr. Ross, our very short and easily flustered band teacher, hitting him fully in the face with my rack, I mean, my breastesses, and spent the first week of 11th grade blushing like a 9th grader every time I saw him after that. And later that same year, Mr. Ross drove me home from school in the rain so that I wouldn't have to carry my big honkin' bari sax up the road a mile, I got my coat hooked into the tailgate of his truck and he dragged me nearly to the end of the trailer park and certain death before he heard my screams. I spent the next week afterward glaring at him like a petulant 9th grader every time I saw him. And then there was that special time when Mr. Ross sent me to the girls' locker room to get the flag team, so without knocking on the door, first, I barged into a locker room full of naked football players baring schlong and then much shrinkage after I loudly announced that I was there to get the flag team, only to surprise the naked boymen in whose woody midst I was, and as I turned around to flee, I ran into the exceedingly short and very flustered Mr. Ross with my breastesses, who came to inquire why it was taking so very, very long, Mr. Ross, that is, and not my breastesses, after which I could no longer look at him without laughing outright. For more than a week.) I often wonder about him. I hope he's okay. Well now, glad to have gotten that off my chest.

Here are some reasons I look forward to going to my class reunion:

I don't have to cringe anymore for not accomplishing anything colossal with my life.

I don't have to talk about where I went to college. Or my major, or my GPA. It should suffice that I went to college. Once. For about a week.

I can talk about my children's colleges, their GPAs and majors and other vicarious accomplishments.

I have a really good reason for putting on weight. I blame others.

I can boast that I haven't killed anyone. Accidentally, anyways. Yet.

The potential for a really good recipe swap is why I am really going.

And finally, preemptively self-imposing some fairness doctrine upon this blog, because Tonya Greipenweiner, lonely voice of the unhinged isn't here, Aisha and Nawal have opined on something or other, and will be frequent opiners in the future:


  1. Gotta love the Aisha and Nawal. Darn Funny.

    What irritated me more than the bitch that had a litter was the fact that the MSM didn't so much as mention the beheading. That made me want to vomit. Muslims killing Muslims just gets no press.

    I've never been to a High School reunion, and I'm coming up on my 30-year too. My high school and junior high are both somewhere in the local landfill. I'm sure the demo crew scapped the metal, but the vibes of my adolescent misery are buried under tons of garbage where it belongs. Besides, I can think of many nicer places to fly to than humid Detroit. I had 625 students in my class, and one friend. I don't know where Irene Ross is. My class has a website and the only people that show up to the events are the kids that treated me like crap. Having my mare step on my big toe would be preferable to going to a class reunion.


  2. I was lucky to have gone to a small high school out in the country. My junior high school in Great Falls Montana got blown up for a movie called 'Telefon'. It was a Charles Bronson, Lee Remick movie about human time bombs. They blew up the school as a scene in the movie. In fact, a lot of the places that were landmarks were blown up in Great Falls. Great Falls used to have a large smelting plant with a chimney that was so tall you could see it 30 miles away. Blowed up real good. The orphanage, St. Thomas had a beautiful Roman Catholic Chapel in it and it was imploded, and nothing remains there but the foundation. Sad. I had hoped to sit in the chapel once and reminisce. It was a beautiful building with tall windows. I miss it. I learned to ride a unicycle there. Nuns on unicycles. Once in a lifetime!

  3. Anonymous7:55 PM

    I remember Telefon. I remember a scence with Charles Bronson in a phone booth on an interstate overpass. All I could think of was, one pass with a snowplow and that phone booth would be history. Hollywood just assumes we will never think of these kinds of things. It's like watching a Western set in 1850 with everyone shooting firearms that were not made until 1890.

    I liked Great Falls. We used to go there to shop.

    That is really sad that Great Falls lost so much to film a movie. What probably happened is that the city/owners wanted to demo these places, didn't have the funding, and Hollywood would PAY THEM to demo the sites. Older buildings tend to have a lot of asbestos as insulation for plumping and heating. During the late 70's everyone was going berserk over getting rid of the stuff from older buildings. It was cheaper to just demo a building than do the asbestos removal. Now they have all sorts of ways of dealing with the nasty mineral, but back then it was a darn good excuse to tear down and rebuild.

    It's also terrible what was done to downtown Helena. I lived in Helena for a year and heard all sorts of stories about what was done to that town in the name of "urban renewal." Nothing like socialsitic ideology (i.e., Johnson) to erase history. It's good they managed to keep the Cathedral. I liked Helena, but the winters were a drag.

    Another movie filmed in Great Falls was "Thunderbolt and Lightfoot." Lots of really cool highway scenes...then again I worked for MDOT so I rememember those kinds of things.


  4. We are just about the same age, Lynn. My junior high was called Paris Gibson Jr High school, and it was an historic, castle shaped building. I miss its giant arched door...looked like a draw bridge. I was living there when T&L was made, and we played in the movie set. We used to go to Helena for no particlar reason, too. And Bozeman. We used to camp up in the Little Rockies for Bible Camp. And just we have a lot more in common in addition to having alot in common!

  5. .
    Ya gotta love Rage Boy! No matter how many beheadings, stonings, or terrorist attacks there are, we must never fear, resist or mock the precious and ever peaceful Islam. Who are we to say that raping 9 year-olds is immoral? Who are we to say that stoning gays and rape victims to death is evil?

    Who are we to say that killing hundreds of people every month in the name of Allah is the height of evil? That is just their culture and ideology and it MUST be respected. Morality is all relative, we must remember that.
    absurd thought -
    God of the Universe says
    cut off your wife's head

    if she dishonors you
    by asking for a divorce

    absurd thought -
    God of the Universe wants
    all planets Islamic

    Earth is one of many
    in process of conversion

    absurd thought -
    God of the Universe wants
    many Taliban planets

    stonings and beheadings
    billions served daily

    absurd thought –
    God of the Universe says
    convert the infidels

    or make them pay a tax
    if they don’t want to die
    All real freedom starts with freedom of speech. Without freedom of speech there can be no real freedom.
    Philosophy of Liberty Cartoon
    Help STOP Terrorism Today!


  6. A religion tailor made for the criminal element. That about sums it up, except for the pansies and moral wimps who would just like us to pretend real hard that it will go away if we would just stop noticing that it hasn't, nor will it.

  7. I wonder what your band teacher thought of you, Jewel.

    His name was Sting by any chance, was it?

    (Don't Stand So Close To Me)

  8. Stung, maybe! He had just enough blonde hair for a combover, which was the fashion statement for deluded bald guys of the 70s, and his face was always pink...from embarassment. The man blushed on a dime, I tell ya!
    Jaco, I really appreciate all the great musical interludes going on over at Ibloga. It helps take the nasty edge off of the daily absurdities. Have you signed up for OAF yet? (Obasmic Automaton Fellators)I wonder what color the new uniforms are going to be. Unicorn colored, prolly.


Don't just sit there, say something!