Thursday, April 23, 2009

Jerusalem Lies in Ruins

H/T Cranmer: 

The Archbishop hopefully won't mind if I post the whole sordid thing over here.  In addition, I have added a good Youtube version of Jerusalem. From what heights England has fallen. It's culture is in ruins, it's people lost, and  hungry devouring wolves inside the sheepfold. I pray, England, that you may, with God's help, find your way out of this darkness and become,  once more a Shining City on a Hill.

'Made in England' - the BBC's 'alternative national anthem'
This is Boris out and about in London today, celebrating St George and England's national day. Please enjoy it. Be enthused, uplifted and edified by it. For Cranmer is about to depress and distress you utterly.

Believe it or not, the BBC (ie taxpayers) and the Arts Council of England (ie taxpayers) have forked out for a brand new national anthem for England. Forget 'Land of Hope and Glory' and set aside 'Jerusalem'. For the BBC and the Arts Council commissioned Sam Dunkley to compose 'Made in England'.

Here are the truly inspirational lyrics. If anyone can find a link to the performance of this important composition, please let Cranmer know and he shall post it:

New alternative national anthem

I am England, England is inside of me.
I am England, England is what I want her to be,
I am England, I am English, I am England to my core,
And wherever you may find me, you'll find England.
England Forever More!
England, my England, she never lets me down,
Hustle bustle, urban tussle, dancing through the crowds,
Or out in the country, a fresh place for me to breathe,
England my England is always home to me!
Fish and chips in paper, with mushy peas,
Balti chicken, naan bread and onion bhajis,
A cup of tea and toast, roast beef and Yorkshire pudding,
Tastes of our culture, tastes like England to me!

Swing low sweet chariot, God Save The Queen!
Land of hope and glory and of pleasant mountains green,
England's future, past and today live in our minds on St George's Day,

England, England, my country!

Can you believe it?

What a lyrical genius to come up with ‘Fish and chips in paper with mushy peas.

Balti chicken with naan bread and onion bhajis.’

This is a requiem to New Labour's New Britain. It is utterly banal.

This is MUCH better,  Your Grace!

Try not to vomit up all those mushy peas and onion bhajis.  I am NOT cleaning it up! Here is the link to that wretched piece of choral flotsam. I hope the BBC is roundly ridiculed for foisting this upon the taxpayers who paid for it. 

New Labour Delenda Est! 

Sunday, April 19, 2009

My new Midlife Crisis

I'm not really into the whole "Eurovision" Song competition thing, mainly because of the following reasons:

1. Europe is a nation of cheese eating surrender monkeys, a slight against
cheese, to be sure.

"A Dutch frigate from the NATO force responded immediately to the distress call and trailed the pirates to a Yemeni-flagged fishing dhow the brigands had seized Thursday, Fernandes said.

The bandits were using the Yemeni vessel as a "mother ship," a larger vessel that allows the pirates' tiny motorboats to hitch rides hundreds of kilometers (miles) off Somali coast, greatly expanding their range.

The pirates climbed into the dhow and Dutch marine commandos followed soon after, freeing 20 fishermen whose nationalities were not known. Fernandes said there was no exchange of fire and Dutch forces seized seven automatic weapons and one rocket-propelled grenade launcher.

Seven Somali pirates were briefly detained, but they were soon released because "NATO does not have any detainment policy," Fernandes said. Another reason the pirates could not be arrested: they were seized by Dutch nationals and the pirates, the victims and the ship were not Dutch, he said.

Middleton, the U.K.-based piracy expert, said NATO sees its "main role as deterring and disrupting pirate activity" — not prosecuting brigands."

How about just shooting them on sight?

2. I am not particularly fond of European pop culture or music. I will say, however, that I am an unabashed fan of Susan Boyle, (this clip is the best of the lot on Youtube)  for reasons that can be best explained HERE

and HERE:

"What really interests me about the clip is not so much her talent as her story and people’s passionate reaction to it. Susan Boyle’s experience has all the symbolic power of a fairy story. It’s a story of transformation - always one of the most powerful - both for her and for her studio audience. 

She, in fairy-story terms, is the ugly old lady, despised by all, who turns out to be a beloved and powerful princess; the spell that sets her free and makes her great is her magic talent. And the special magic of this talent is that it is makes no distinctions of age or beauty or disability; anyone might have this magic power, whether or not anyone else knows. Aspirations and dreams need not always grow old, though we must. It is a fairy story to make grown men and women weep, and it did. 

Similarly, the jeering audience of vain young people trying to catch the camera’s eye and the preening judges of this contest are the nasty boys and girls of fairy stories who mock the poor old lady because she is not young and beautiful, only to be punished when her real self is revealed. And their punishment is to be revealed as they truly are - heartless, thoughtless and superficial - the flotsam and jetsam of the polluted seas of celebrity, likely to sink without trace into toxic foam. They will grow old too, to be ignored in their turn, and then they will understand that appearances are not everything. And those who despise people who are not thin, not young, not beautiful and not cool will one day find themselves despised in exactly the same way, by people just like their younger selves. That is enough to make young people think."
But I digress. Eurovision seems a rather oxymoronic thing, since Europe's only vision seems to be foisting a multicultural Dystopia upon its peoples and gelding them into one prostrate city state of line mongers, on their way to filling out the next form for the Chocolate Poodles which govern every aspect of their lives.

Yep, that pretty much sums up what I feel about the whole Eurovision thing. Oh yes. And they are America haters ....fueled by the media. Rabid America haters. But not to be outhated by the Eurowankers is Israel. Good old Iddy Biddy Satan herself. The source of all the OTHER evils in the world. Really, go ahead and boycott. EVERYTHING ISRAELI. If you can.

So why does Israel submit a song in the Eurovision contest every year? Are they wanting entry into the EU, or something? Yeesh. Nope, Israel should be singing Hatikva and generally give the finger to the smug, self-righteous haters of Europe. But here is their entry...and keep in mind the following, so as not to get entirely confused:

The Arab-looking chick is actually Jewish, (from Yemen) and the European-looking chick is actually the Arab (Christian)....and an Israeli....yeah, I'm sure that after watching this video, the Europeans and all the other Jew haters in Araby will see the light and make peace....Good luck with that ladies.

Nope. What the Israelis should do, and continue to do is be Israelis. Get in your Chevy and drive off the Road to perdition with a new roadmap, guys. Here's my new midlife crisis, and he's an Israeli. Sigh.

Possibly the most creative and whimsical video I have seen in a very long time.

His voice is soft, low, and as seductive as a whisper on the nape of my neck. Aaah, sweet vexation! I am so in envy of the beautiful redhead in the video.

She is truly Morning Elegance to behold.

Shir Shomron

Friday, April 17, 2009

How Not to Run a Restaurant or, Where is Gordon Ramsay when you need him?

While we have plenty of Subways and Quiznos here, there are many, really excellent sandwich shops in Lancaster County PA.

THIS is one of the best delicatessens in Lancaster County, and like Auntie Anne's Pretzels, it started off as one shop and now there are 20 in Central PA, alone. Auntie Anne went from one pretzel stand to 500 before selling her franchise. Now, there are nearly 1000 stores all over the world. But I bore you all, I see. The point is this: German meats, breads, condiments, and variants of German food are all quintessentially American and almost universally loved. If it weren't for German immigrants, no one would know about the fantastic fare that is German. So, here it is.

The Sandwich Nazi story: "No Sandwich for YOU!"

Recently, a man from Germany opened an 'authentic' German restaurant. I was eager to go there and eat any and everything on the menu. The cafe that had been there before was called LUNCH, and that is all they served. But what a lunch! The most spectacular sandwiches and home made soups. The joint was always crowded and the desserts were home made and exquisite. I so wanted to work there. But one day, it up and closed. Death in the family had ended the business, and for about a year it stood empty.

Then, one day, a sign goes up for his restaurant, an "Authentic" German restaurant and bakery. YAY! All the sudden, visions of Wiener Schnitzel and sausages and sauerkraut and cheeses and home made German breads and...well..nom, nom, nom were going through my head. So a couple of days ago, I decided to get my husband something for lunch there, and expecting a lot of people, I went in, and there was nobody. Not a hostess, a waitress, and as far as I could see, no chefs or line cooks. I looked at the white board for something to order, and a list of baked goods was all that was displayed. Yet, no baked goods could be seen, but for a lonely cherry-laden pastry on a plate in a glass shelf. There was nothing. No smell. Nothing.

I called back to see if anyone was there, and a rather flustered young man appeared and asked what I would like. I asked to see a menu and he handed me a single sheet of paper with the items listed on front and back. Under the Lunch category the only item was 3 potato pancakes with applesauce. Yep. 3 potato pancakes with applesauce. For 5 bucks.

I asked him if he had anything else,and he had some lentil soup or cabbage stew. On the reverse side of his menu was the dinner listing. Sauerbraten or Wienerschnitzel, and if you want the Sauerbraten, you have to order it for at least 4 people....10 days in advance. When I asked him if he sold sandwiches, he becamen irritated and said.

"NO. No sandwiches. Germans don't eat sandwiches." Really?" I asked, surprised, "You mean, you don't eat sausages in buns? NEIN, das is nicht a sandwich!"

"Or a Reuben on rye?"

"NEIN. Germans don't eat sandwiches, he said...and he was almost angry by this time.

I had to take his word for it, since he is German, after all. But if you are going to open a restaurant, I'd think that the main idea is to get people in the door, and then back again, after they tell all their friends about having eaten at your place.

I settled on the cabbage stew with bits of meat in it for a whopping 8 bucks. It was served in an 8 oz. container. I asked if the stew came with some bread, and he put in a home made roll that smelled good....but the proof is in the eating.
The cabbage was mush, the meat, inconsequential, even if you could tell what it was. There were no baked goods in the display cabinets...he was just starting his baking at 11 am, apparently. The Wienerschnitzel needed 2 days advance notice, and the sauerbraten needed 10!
What the HELL?

Needless to say, his restaurant is empty, he is bitter, and the food was horrid. The roll was so hard that I worried about breaking my teeth on it. I'm thinking, maybe, just maybe, there is such a thing as East German cuisine, and this restaurateur is a member of the crack Stasi culinary squad. I had to seriously squash the desire to ask him: