Monday, September 20, 2010

Dream Debate: O'Donnell vs. Stephanopoulos and Coons

Via Ace of Spades HQ, who's in the thick and thin of it. Most delicious fantasy debate. How I wish I could steal this for The Blasphemous Book and apply it to Our Fav'rite Proph.

From Andrew's Problem:


Highlights From A Future Debate

Update: Score. Thanks Ace.

Wherein I try to do something topical. Background can be found here, in case you don't follow this sort of thing.

And...go.
 
 Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the first official debate of this election cycle. I'm George Stephanopoulos, and with me tonight are two candidates for the United States Senate, Delaware Democrat Chris Coons, and Republican Christine O'Donnell.

 Hello George, it's a pleasure to be here.

YOUR VOICE IS THE PITIFUL WHINE OF GNATS, AND YOU REEK WITH THE STINK OF FEAR.


Outstanding. The format tonight will be as follows: I'll ask each of you a question, and you will have two  minutes to respond. Your opponent will then have one minute in which to offer a rebuttal. Christine O'Donnell, the first question goes to you: The economic stimulus bill passed last year has been the topic of much discussion. Some argue that it gave the American economy a much-needed shot in the arm, while others claim that it's effects have been marginal or even harmful. What is your opinion on this, and what, if anything, should we have done differently?

JUST AS THE GODDESS CIRCE DID DECEIVE THE COMPANIONS OF ODYSSEUS INTO DRINKING OF THE ENCHANTED WINE, SO DID PRESIDENT OBAMA THROUGH HIS CUNNING DECEIVE THE AMERICAN PEOPLE. HE HAS BOUND OUR ECONOMY TO THE YOKE OF PUBLIC SPENDING, MUCH AS THE TRICKSTER GOD LOKI WAS BOUND BY ODIN TO THE ENTRAILS OF HIS SON, NARI, WHOSE SCREAMS WERE AS THE CRIES OF A THOUSAND DYING EAGLES.

 And Chris Coons, what do you have to say to that?

George, this is the same empty argument we've been hearing from the Republicans for years. I think it's time we put the machinations of Loki in the past, and looked ahead to the future. This sort of Scandinavian Neo-paganism is bad for Delaware, and it's bad for America.

Okay, next question, again for Christine O'Donnell. You've spoken critically in the past about modern sexual mores in America, and been an outspoken advocate for anti-abortion, pro-abstinence policies. Why is it that you feel such policies are preferable to the ones proposed by your opponents?

THERE IS ONLY THE GODSELF, AND THE PATH THERETO IS THROUGH THE BLACK HEART OF INNOCENCE. AMIDST THE LAMENTATIONS OF THE PRIESTS, I DID PARTAKE OF THE RITE OF KNOWING. I UTTERED THE FIFTY NAMES OF MARDUK, THE WRATHFUL ONE, AND UPON THE ALTAR HE DIDST APPEAR TO FILL MY WOMB WITH THE PROGENY OF VIPERS, AND ETERNITY WAS ASSIGNED TO ME WITHOUT END.

There is so much more to savor, but you'll have to traipse over there and read it yourselves.

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