Sunday, October 10, 2010

No Place to Lay My Head

The new bride and her husband tip toed in at 4 am. The bride, the former Miss Irksome, asked if they could sleep here.

"We married, now, so is it okay?"

Well, when you put it that way.

Apparently, Lancaster PA is a major destination for Columbus Day travelers looking for a 3-day weekend. The pregnant couple couldn't find a single available room. No rooms at the inn. So they crashed here for the rest of the night.

Thus ended an emotional day for all. I don't think I have ever seen a grown man cry as much as her dad did.  Our faces are still puffy. Happy-sad. Can't make up my mind.


  1. I love days like this! Peyroux is the perfect nightcap.

  2. Well now, here be a good thing, done well. I see a new Pandora station coming on.

  3. That's how I discovered her, Andy!

  4. Anonymous12:08 AM


  5. Anonymous12:16 AM


    dear answer lady, what can i do?

    i am 62 years old, and i am not going to live forever.

    my twin children, a boy and a girl, do not seem much interested in providing me a grandchild.

    the girl has a boyfriend, to whom she refers as the "baby maker," taunting me. i tell her i want her to conceive and bear me a grandchild, and she says, "not for five years, pops, you'll just have to take your meds and your walks, and do the best you can to live long enough," the ingrateful little wretch.

    the boy. sheesh. give me a break.

    i tell the girl, i don't care if you are married, just give me the grandchild. she says, father, that is hypocritical on your part, you right wing zealot. you'll rot in hell.

    i tell her that she may beat me there, if she doesn't give me that damned kid that i can dote on and shower with affection, and spoil rotten to a degree that he or she grows up insufferable, ... , and i get some pay back.

    but, no, ... , she just waggles those damn pills under my nose, and says, you ain't got a chance, pops. i take solace that if they are 99% effective, i am almost certain to be a grandpa within five years or so, but i don't know if i will live that long.

    so, dear answer lady, you have to help me. tell me want i can do to induce her to propagate? money is out, she makes more than me, and i am broke, in all three dimensions.

    i may talk to the " baby maker" and tell him i will not kill him if he impregnates her, or suggest to him that i may if he does not, ... , that i may kill him if he does not impregnate her, in case anyone did not clearly mean what i meant.

    please answer lady, an answer.

    john joseph jay
    milton freewater, oregon usa

  6. Dear John, I would sue the university that educated your children. Clearly they were not taught properly, and have undermined your bestest efforts. And how old are these barren ingrates of yours? If you're 62, did they come to you late in life? Were you in your 40s when they came on the scene, or in your 30s? If you were, as Mister A and I were, in your 20s, you may be looking at a spiteful, barren woman. Now, if you were in your late 40s and the younguns came along, you might find teen parenthood available. But even if that is never the case, there is hope. Birth control pills can be rendered completely useless with the right antibiotics, say, amoxicillin. It just does wonders for making the pill impotent. As for the boy, I question his sexuality. That's all I have to say about a young man who won't knock up some hapless wench when you want him to. An aversion to both reckless fun AND responsibility. Better you go out and buy a baby. Madonna did just that, and there's lots of babies for sale on the internets, I'm sure.

  7. Jewel, is it possible the antique car show in Hershey this weekend made rooms unavailable? When I lived there 20 years ago, on THIS weekend, you couldn't MOVE in Hershey - I'm thinking, with the economy so down, more folks are heading to places like Hershey, for things like the car show, to do SOMETHING fun ...................

    Semper Fi'

  8. Aaah! You are so right! We even have a spankin' new convention center in Lancaster and all rooms were booked there. Only the Eden Resort had rooms, and they were asking 1200 for a night! They managed to find a good place north of Allentown, a bed and breakfast. They both have to be at work tomorrow, so I don't think they will have TOO much fun, plus...she's 7 months gone.

  9. Anonymous11:00 PM


    37 when i begat the little whelps, on a couch with a folding bed. well, what's that got to do with it, except it is sort of an interesting little tid bit.

    yes, i am a little disappointed in the suitor. you'd think that he'd get her knocked up.

    i don't want to buy a kid, like madonna. i want one that i can go spoil and get all wound up for 5 hours, 2 hours past bedtime, and then leave ... .

    oh, well. maybe i will live long enough. and, maybe i won't.

    can i come visit you when you have your grand kids to home. get 'em all riled up, and crawling around on the roof, and swimming in the irrigation ditches, and teach 'em how to spit and make homemade firecrackers, and such?

    can i?


  10. I think there are laws against that, sir! The mom might swear out a restraining order.


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