Monday, March 12, 2012

Gone in a Jiffy

Recipe: 2 boxes Jiffy corn muffin mix
2 extra large eggs
1 cup buttermilk
1 half stick of melted butter

Mix in 50 strokes. Batter will be lumpy. Don't over mix. Let it set for a few minutes and put a knob of butter in your screaming hot skillet as it is still in the oven. With a thick oven mitt, rotate the skillet until the butter is all melted and then pour the batter quickly into the very hot skillet. Close up the oven and bake for about 20 minutes until dry and cracked on top, with the sides all crispy and golden brown.

If you don't eat the whole skillet at dinner, just remove it from the skillet and wrap it in plastic and then eat a piece for breakfast. Cold milk and sugar. Can't be beat.

So why am I writing about this little box of loving spoonfuls? Because it is what thrifty housewives buy. In the 80s, when I got married, the box cost a mere 15 cents or so. In the 90s, it was up to 28 cents a box. Last year, it went up to 39, then 50, and last night, I stared, wanting to cry, at this little box of gold: 75. Cents. No kidding. 

All good things must come to an end, I guess.

Anonymous Declares War on Religion

Well, this is special, isn’t it? Seems to me that there has always been a war on religion. Would the brave godless warrior Richard Dawkins be willing to take on Allah and the sons of his prophet? I think not. Anonymous is gutless by the very virtue of being anonymous.
Really. Think about it. How good a thing is it that you submerge your own unique identity into a legion of nameless know-nothings, don a silly mask, and try to recreate a frickin’ MOVIE? REALLY?! Are you that cowardly? Or are you just stupid?
Let us just look fondly back at all the wars against religion and see how that’s turned out, shall we?
The French Revolution was a bloody war against religion. Now their country, once smugly ‘secular’  is now infested with very devoted, religious believers, who turn the streets of Paris and Nice and Marseilles every Friday into mosques. Way to go. Atheists 1, Religious 6 billion.
Let’s look at the Nazis’ war on Christendom and the Jews. It wasn’t good enough trying to remake the Church into the image of Der Fuhrer, and exterminate all the Jews in Europe. Oh noes, but look at Germany now. Oh, sorry. I meant to say, look at Turkey’s little brother now! Almost all grown up. And you Germans worked so hard to make clean, sanitary, well-lit, and efficient death camps. All you had to do is jettison those stupid Lutheran and Catholic beliefs willingly and stop reproducing, and voila! A nation who no longer has its religion. Atheists win big here. Until the True Believers of Allah have their way with them, and then I predict a lot of conversions.
Russia, perhaps more than any other nation outside of China, epitomizes the Glorious War by Scientific Atheism Against the Rot of Christendom.
Yeah, that turned out well for you. You seem to be running out of Russians in Russia these days. I hear you have to import North Koreans to staff your gulags.
And China. The makers of Instacities, populated by the ghosts of their aborted dead, can’t stop the Christian juggernaut. Oh they try, they try, but they can’t seem to convince their defiant and mentally deficient citizens that all this, this temporal existence is all there is, because, you know…if that’s All There Is

Something to Consider as we enjoy the Fisking the Fluck out of Sandra

This essay is about birth control pills. Not condoms, spermicide, the Sponge or various IUD devices. It is about The Pill. Sandra Fluke is getting a lot of flak for her absurd statement about the cost of The Pill. $1000 a year out of pocket might buy a lot of nights of child-free sex, but many women do not take The Pill for that reason. 

My daughter must take The Pill in conjunction with many other pills to control the disease of endometriosis. It is a painful disease. It can also cause sterility, cancer, and other problems for women. It often runs in families, although I don't have it myself. 

Julia has it bad. Really bad. The only thing that controls the growth of uterine tissue on her major organs is The Pill. Some insurance companies will pay for it, but most don't, since it is seen as an optional form of birth control, and not necessary. 

For Julia and countless other young women trying to avoid hysterectomies, it is an absolute necessity, and even in the cases of medical need, insurance companies might not pay for it. 

The hormones she takes pretty much knocks her period off the calendar. If she does have one, the pain is so excruciating that she is all but bedridden, and on heavy pain-killers. It is very much like giving birth, trying to pass all that tissue. That tissue wreaks havoc on her bladder, her kidneys and other organs. The tissue just grows like internal kudzu, covering everything. Laparoscopic surgery is unpleasant and expensive, and most of the tissue that is removed comes right back. And that is why she must take The Pill.

The Pill also kills all desire for sex. Julia must also take mood balancing drugs due to the out of whack hormonal shift in her body.
This isn't pleasant for her, or her family. Her endometriosis is severe. She can however, afford the generic version of The Pill to take care of it and doesn't require your financial assistance in this regard.

Sandra Fluke did herself, her reputation and whatever cause she was defending a world of irreparable harm. She gets no sympathy from me. 

But there is a reason for a girl to need The Pill that goes beyond mere recreational reasons. Endometriosis is one of them. 

Whatever cause Miss Fluke was championing, it's all part of the Big Lie, and a lost cause, as far as I'm concerned. She's a very sad tool and useful idiot. 

I'd feel sorry for her, but my pity glands have all dried up.  I can't afford the medication to restore my depleted sympathy.  Maybe some of you can fork over the loot to get me some nice, tasty meds for that.

Monday, March 5, 2012

I need new reading glasses

I must be getting old. I completely misread this want ad in the local paper. I actually thought being experienced in RAVING, I might have a future job as a SCREED OPERATOR:

Burkholder Paving EXPERIENCED PAVING PERSONNEL Burkholder Paving, a Martin Limestone company, is a recognized leader in the paving industry. We are a successful company with opportunities for personal growth and career advancement. We have immediate openings for experienced paving personnel in the following positions: Paving Laborer, Screed Operator and Paver Operator. All three positions involve working as a vitally important member of a paving crew to ensure a quality paved surface on all jobs performed by the crew. The ideal candidate will have the following: experience working as a Paving Laborer, Screed Operator and/or Paver Operator; the ability to work 8 to 10+ hours per day; a valid PA driver’s license; and, either a Class A or B CDL or the willingness to obtain one with assistance from the company. These positions offer a competitive wage and excellent employee benefits. Qualified individuals should submit a resume and wage history to: Martin Limestone, Inc., P.O. Box 550, Blue Ball, PA 17506, Attn: Director, Human Resources OR apply in person at: Martin Limestone, Inc. 3580 Division Highway, East Earl, PA 17519. Feel free to visit our website at for more details concerning our company. Equal Opportunity Employer-M/F/D/V We encourage minorities and females to apply!

I thought they were talking about experienced RAVERS, not PAVERS. Damn. Missed it by THAT much.